projects

Life has been full of many projects lately...

We have been hosting cousins and a grandma the last couple Mondays and loving it.  This Monday was filled with dyeing: first eggs and then using the leftover dye to color some fabric.  Watching the colors magically transform the white to rainbows of brilliant colors was exciting for all of us.  Welcome spring, truly. 

receiving and releasing

I am a collector of things.  And I strive for a minimalist lifestyle.  These two ideas often become a source of conflict in my life.

I don't often buy many things,  the things I have are often free and just have a way of making their way into my home and making themselves comfortable.  When they first present themselves in my life I think,  "Goodness, isn't this charming, isn't this winsome, is this not the most special thing you have seen in the world?"  And I tuck it into some corner of my home and glance at it over tea.

These things will sit for a few days, weeks, months, or years and one day I will come upon the idea (yet again) that I am not defined by my things and I will purge.  I will fill boxes and bags and trunks and drive off to my charity of choice that month and share the goodness of my things with others.  But then something new will catch my eye, I will think, "What a gem!" and that empty spot on the shelf will be filled with something interesting and new again.

For years I have beat myself up over this cycle of objects coming and going in my home.  It is not until recently that I saw it as that- a cycle- and have to come accept that it is not something that makes me entirely unhappy.  There really are amazing things out in the world.  Sometimes I'll find them at a garage sale, sometimes it's something a friend passes on because they think it'll interest me, sometimes it's something a family member was trying to find a new home for, sometimes it beckons from the gutter of a street.  No matter the way it gets into my life, I realize I actually enjoy this cycle of receiving and releasing.

In the project pictured above, Nate and I came up with a fun way to reuse a few objects that had entered our lives over the past few years: picture tiles from my aunt's kindergarten classroom over 20 years ago, leftover pieces from a new game Jed got for his birthday in October, vellum paper from a scrapbook we made at my sister's baby shower for Logan 4 years ago.  We took those objects glued them together and made three pretty awesome pictures for his room.  They are now proudly displayed on his shelf.

And they will stay there for days or weeks or years until we make something new, find something different, or are gifted something that needs the space and we will release these pieces with as much ease as we created them.

It's a process, this becoming comfortable with all the cycles of growing and changing we go through. Sometimes, when I look on the surface of things and see stuff it becomes an easy way to become frustrated that I'm not truly minimalist enough, I'm too attached to things, I'm not allowing my authentic self to show through.  But then sometimes I am able to step back and see the gifts that we are given all the time, the little objects of beauty that people share with us, gift to us, or that we create ourselves and am thankful for the time we have them in our homes and I'm able to come to a little bit more peace about it all.  I am not my stuff.  Though I may enjoy sharing space with it all.  It is alright to enjoy interesting, beautiful, fun things.  It is what makes this space my home.  It is an outward extension of the way I see the world.  And it comes and goes, it ebbs and flows.  And I am okay with that.

gifting

Sometimes things come together exactly as you would hope and this time it was with our gift wrap.  Last year I found bunches of fabric in my stash that were various 'holiday' prints (a very loose term in my mind, really anything that is colorful, bonus points if it's red, white or green). 

I took some time to sew up bags and was able to wrap most of our presents with that and some scrap yarn.  This year, I was able to pull out those bags to use again (the beauty of reuse!) and only had to make about 10 replacements/additions to complete our gift wrapping.  I found a stash of gift tags (thanks to some good clean up of my 'teaching cupboard' this fall), got a to/from stamp on sale at Joanne's, found tons of 50 cent real ribbon at Michael's and my wrapping was complete. 

I am so very in love with the way all the gifts come together under the tree and the ease with which all of us, even Jed :), can wrap a present with ease. 

And even better?  Folding up the bags, rolling up the ribbon and using them again next year!  I'm currently in the market for some fun ideas for the gift tags.  I have an idea of a wreath, with the tags circling around, flower side out...we'll see! 

paper + stickers + kids

Thank goodness I finally cleaned out my 'teacher cabinet' in the garage!  We have had nothing but good times with the different materials I found and organized.  I will never cease to be amazed by the amount of focused attention (almost) 2 and 4 year olds can have when engaged with projects of their own imagination.  Three cheers for cardstock, stickers, punch out stamps, crayons and glue! 

thinking about

Nate and I (finally) managed a low-key do nothing day, leaving my mind to wander and projects to contemplate.  Today, I'm thinking about...

:: how early is too early to start making gingerbread houses?  I'm sure this one will inspire Nate.

:: what natives I may want to add to our front garden once it rains a couple times. I'm thinking a sage or two to add to our collection.

:: holiday knitting projects- what should I make, for whom, can I finally whittle down my stash of yarn instead of purchasing new?

:: purchasing next year's Nikki McClure calandar.

:: holiday sewing projects- advent calendar, tea towels, clothing.

thinking about christmas

For years, I've told myself that "This is the year I work on an advent calendar for Nate."  Yet, the next thing I know December is here and nary an advent calendar is sight.  Well, I'll admit that I normally also think of the advent calendar around Thanksgiving so I don't really give myself ample time to make something decent.  But this year is different- I'm not working outside the home and I've remembered that I want to make one at the beginning of November...the stars are definitely in my favor! 

I like the idea of having pockets that contain various things like 'bake a treat today' or 'go to the library and check out at least 3 Christmas books' or other such fun things that I know my boy would love. 

Here are some designs I like...not sure which I'll choose to make yet:

from LookHappy on Etsy

 

 

from Purl Bee

from AllSorts

from Noodlehead

creat(ing)(ive) space

September brought with it fresh paint, new shelves and some furniture moving.  I have been discontent with my sewing area for a bit now.  I have also been bothered with the fact that we had two living rooms- a seemingly 'formal' space full of antique furniture and a 'family' space with hand me downs and comfy seating.  I have always disliked the idea of a formal living room- I want to live in all my rooms- and I love all of my grandmother's furniture and want to get use of out if.  SO.  I decided to change things up a bit. 

In the end, all it took was removing a couch from the 'family' space and voila, like magic, a new space was reborn.  I wish I had pictures of the room before but those of you who have visited know what it looked like.  It was largely a room with a big couch in it.  Now it is where creating happens.  Where Nate and I sew together, where conversations happen, where I work to embrace the gray spaces one day at a time.  I love this space.  So.  Much. 

 Oh, and the little table to the right in the picture above?  That's Nate's desk.  As he would say, "Love it." 

rhythms and routine

Nathaniel and I have a lovely relationship.  An intense relationship, but also a tender and loving and connected relationship.  As we navigate our days together, without the distraction of 'out of the house jobs,'  grandmas to babysit on a whim, and seemingly more time than we know what to do with, it has been lovely to reconnect to past rhythms and routines that we both thoroughly enjoy.

Nate has always enjoyed cooking and being helpful in the kitchen.  I mistakenly bought a play kitchen for him when he was two but after a few months of play it was neglected, as most toys of his are, for a learning tower that allowed him access to the counter to help me with the real life meal prep that happened (almost) daily in our kitchen.  Now that he's four, our roles have shifted and there are quite a few meals that he can prepare on his own, with my help with heating only.  He has access to sharp knives, knows where ingredients are and can crack an egg with confidence.  Last night he made our quiche from scratch himself. Pride doesn't even come close to how he seemed to be feeling.  Dinner was, of course, delicious.

Nate also loves crafting.  He is not a solitary crafter- he prefers to work with company- mama preferably.  He saw me hand sewing labels for my zippered bags and asked if he could do some hand sewing as well.  We found an old frame and some burlap that he had been sewing on a year or so ago and made it good as new.  He spent almost an hour sewing a tent and path and experimenting with different stitch lengths only to take it apart to begin anew a couple minutes later.  His focus is intense and he is still easily frustrated- it helps to make me all the more mindful of how I model my own frustrations on projects- both body language and words.

It has been useful to reflect at the end of our days recently to see if I have included at the very least these two activities: cooking and crafting together.  Those days where we are able to connect through a shared love of an activity always have a clearly more peaceful and fulfilled note at the end of the day.  I am often able to get my own project in, read on my own, spend time on my computer or just have 'me' time when Nathaniel feels fulfilled through our connecting with meaningful activities.

Of course, as with all mothering, I know all this to be true today...we'll see what our 'truth' is tomorrow :)

newest bag

It has been fun to examine my own process with sewing these totes.  Some bags fly off the machine- literally creating themselves as fast as I can think up an image, word, and find the right fabric.  Others take there time- maybe I'll draft the image over the course of a day, come back to draw it on the fabric a few nights later, open up the sewing machine a week later to stitch the images, so on and so forth.  

Choosing the words is a whole other endeavor entirely.  Sometimes the word will be right there, I know exactly which one I'll choose and it's stamped on without another thought.  This flower bag actually turned out to be one of the more challenging.  Grow, pause, patience, open, fragile, beautiful, and fleeting all came to mind when I saw my image stitched out.  Perhaps I'll have to just make one of each....

creating movement

Mark Hoekstra- Flickr

I get stuck a lot.  I get stuck on projects.  I get stuck in writing.  I get stuck in negative thinking.  I just get stuck.

I find it's often much easier to keep going with the same old patterns, the ways of being that are comfortable, that are known, that are 'easy,'  even if they don't making me happy anymore.  There are many a night where I am found clicking from website to website, slowly wasting away my time rather than dreaming or reading or sewing or knitting or stretching any creative muscles.

I came across this excerpt by Nina Wise the other day that spoke to me. I like the idea of starting small- a new recipe, sand castles, a shower in the song.  I was talking to a friend today about the joys of sewing- that there are times when you need the technicalities of a tough project to get your mind off of something but there are other moments when the mindless seaming together of straight lines is what's called for- something meditative and soothing in its monotony.  Creating something calls us to appreciate those small steps we take to make something out of nothing, to connect with other people when we share our gifts and time and sometimes to stop and notice the world that's right in front of us.  

From Nina Wise:

Everyone is creative. Creativity is our very nature. But for many of us, the creative impulse has gone into hiding...

Creativity is about having the courage to invent our lives--to concoct lovemaking games, cook up a new recipe, paint a kitchen cabinet, build sculptures on the beach, and sing in the shower. Creativity is about our capacity to experience the core of our being and the full range of our humanness.

The question of how to become more creative is not about learning anything, or even doing anything, but about allowing whatever arises to gain expression. To do this, we must bypass the voice inside of us that says stop...

We obey this voice as if being guided by inner wisdom; but when we tune in, we hear a quieter voice calling out to us to express ourselves freely. This is the voice that can liberate us. If we listen and respond, our lives become rich with the pleasure creative freedom provides.

what i've been working on

My machine has been a-humming and my thread has been unspooling.  I've been pondering the idea of selling things I make but at a loss as to what to make.  I realized that what bothered me most was the idea of just selling 'stuff' to sell it.  I also realized that the handmade goodness I'm most likely to purchase for myself is often inspirational or has a message for the world.  So, I started making bags, with a word to hold on to.  Something to remember as we go through our hum drum days, making the ordinary less ordinary.  These are my first tries- they have a waterproof lining- which I love as it can catch spilled water bottles, hold wet bathing suits or damp produce from the market.  I like the idea of having a story to go with each bag- a kind of- 'if i were a bag, this is what i would want to do with my life' kind of story.  Maybe that's what I'll spend nap time today doing.  In the meantime, without further fanfare...the bags.

creations

I love creating.  No, that's not right.  I need to create.  I find that when I am having a hard time in this world, I am often not creating anything- I have become a passive participant in my life. 

I believe this was one of the primary reasons I became an educator years ago- each day was open to creation.  Whether it was creating a system with the children to determine how best to utilize our classroom library, to creating a more inviting and comfortable environment that would naturally stimulate inquiry- teaching was an act of creation for me.  

When I began teaching, I found myself less and less engaged in the creative side of my life.  I picked up the knitting needles less, rarely pulled out the sewing machine and only grabbed my camera when I felt I 'should' be the one taking pictures at an event.  This lifestyle change followed me into motherhood and it wasn't long before I was adrift in a sea of meaningless.  I know that sounds quite dramatic and cliched but it's something I've found as my truth: creating gives my life meaning.

I now see how mothering is very similar to my classroom but  on a smaller scale.  Yet, there is something about mothering that makes the act of creation less intentional for me.  I can still go whole days, perhaps even weeks, without really thinking or creating something that will support Nate and I on our journey together. 

Picking up the pieces and beginning to create again wasn't as easy nor as natural as I had hoped it would be.  It has taken me almost half a year and I still find myself stuck in ruts of non-creation or find that I slip into old habits of coasting through life without actually engaging with anything, and I find myself miserable.  Because, through all of this, that is what I've learned: creating is engaging, waking up, becoming an active participant in not only my own life but in the world around me.  It wakes me up, it gets me excited, it gets me thinking, it gets me going.  'It' can be just about anything: a new cross-stitch pattern, a dress just waiting to be designed, bag possibilities galore, a new bread recipe, homemade granola.  But 'it' requires me to move out of my mind and into the real world.  To actually touch, transform and engage with the world, not quietly sit back and read about the amazing things other people are doing. 

So, that's where I am.  I have found my truth and am now working on the slow process of figuring out what that looks like in my life.  How do I fit in creating without it becoming a chore or something I'm crossing off a list?  How do I make the space for creativity and spontanaity when so much of my time does not feel like my own?  I'm excited by the possiblities and eager to see where this all may take me.

As I postscript...I came back to edit this post a day after I first drafted it and that morning came across this perfect quote:

 

Just create to create. Create to remind yourself you're still alive. Make stuff to inspire others to make something too. Create to learn a bit more about yourself. - Frederick Terral-

love

Another finding from my browsing the other day...I work daily to remember to be glad.  Gratitude for all I've been given and continue to receive.  I am overwhelmingly, undeservedly blessed. 

The Mystery of Love
by Kent Nerburn


Remember that you don't choose love. Love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away. Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you. Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit. Give it to the world around you in any way you can.


There is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them.


The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as a need. They cease to be someone who generates love and instead become someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away.


Remember this and keep it to your heart. Love has its time, its own season, its own reason for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you. [...] Love always has been and always will be a mystery. Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life.


--Kent Nerburn