I believe this was one of the primary reasons I became an educator years ago- each day was open to creation. Whether it was creating a system with the children to determine how best to utilize our classroom library, to creating a more inviting and comfortable environment that would naturally stimulate inquiry- teaching was an act of creation for me.
When I began teaching, I found myself less and less engaged in the creative side of my life. I picked up the knitting needles less, rarely pulled out the sewing machine and only grabbed my camera when I felt I 'should' be the one taking pictures at an event. This lifestyle change followed me into motherhood and it wasn't long before I was adrift in a sea of meaningless. I know that sounds quite dramatic and cliched but it's something I've found as my truth: creating gives my life meaning.
I now see how mothering is very similar to my classroom but on a smaller scale. Yet, there is something about mothering that makes the act of creation less intentional for me. I can still go whole days, perhaps even weeks, without really thinking or creating something that will support Nate and I on our journey together.
Picking up the pieces and beginning to create again wasn't as easy nor as natural as I had hoped it would be. It has taken me almost half a year and I still find myself stuck in ruts of non-creation or find that I slip into old habits of coasting through life without actually engaging with anything, and I find myself miserable. Because, through all of this, that is what I've learned: creating is engaging, waking up, becoming an active participant in not only my own life but in the world around me. It wakes me up, it gets me excited, it gets me thinking, it gets me going. 'It' can be just about anything: a new cross-stitch pattern, a dress just waiting to be designed, bag possibilities galore, a new bread recipe, homemade granola. But 'it' requires me to move out of my mind and into the real world. To actually touch, transform and engage with the world, not quietly sit back and read about the amazing things other people are doing.
So, that's where I am. I have found my truth and am now working on the slow process of figuring out what that looks like in my life. How do I fit in creating without it becoming a chore or something I'm crossing off a list? How do I make the space for creativity and spontanaity when so much of my time does not feel like my own? I'm excited by the possiblities and eager to see where this all may take me.
As I postscript...I came back to edit this post a day after I first drafted it and that morning came across this perfect quote:
1 comment:
I understand how you feel when you are not creating. On days when we just do our routine things, reading, cooking, library or park, it feels as if I accomplished nothing. On rare days when I paint or crochet or make an exciting art project with girls, our life tastes different. I feel as if it is doldrums vs a life worthy living.
Post a Comment