remember to look in the mirror

  The other day we were getting together with friends and plans had to be changed.  It wasn't a big deal, errands were shifted around and it was great to hang out with them, albeit at a different time than was arranged.  I bring this up, though, because of the conversation I had on the phone with my friend as plans were shifting.  She apologized because 'she knew how much I didn't like last minute changes to plans.'  And she's right.  I really do have a hard time with changes in plans.  But it's something I've slowly and consciously have been working on the past year.  Letting go of those things outside my control and figuring out how to use the new information to make things better. 

A large reason that I decided to work on shifting my focus was because I saw how it was manifesting in my son's life.  Nathaniel hates changes: to schedules, routines, plans, you name it.  We've had complete meltdowns when something is mentioned in passing but then fails to manifest itself.  Those around him have learned it's best to not let him know that there is a possibility of something fun until the possibility becomes a reality.  But I've realized that this type of inflexible thinking was serving either of us.  It left us frustrated, upset, and emotionally worn out.  As my incredible yoga teacher likes to quote from Hellen Keller at the end of practice: When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but we often look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.

So, I've been working on modeling flexibility. Letting Nate see first hand that plans may change and it's truly not a big deal- sometimes it can lead to even better things.  And, slowly oh so slowly, I've begun to see a difference in the way he deals with change.  It seems much easier for him to take things that would have been quite dramatic in stride nowadays.  Of course, I know a lot of that is developmental and the fact that he's just getting older, but I also know that he's watching me and learning something everytime he watches.

My child is a watcher.  I see myself mirrored in so many of the things he says and does these days.  And while I can find this terrifying some days, on others, I can take this mirroring in stride and see it as a challenge to my own personal growth.  It's not every day that we have a mirror following us around through life, I suppose I best embrace it and see what I can learn.