identity

I'm sure I've posted something of this in the past but it bears repeating, or perhaps it's just something that's often I my mind.  

I have found that one of the hardest parts of my becoming a mom were issues surrounding my identity.  Before he was born, I was labeled many things.  I was a teacher, a wife, a knitter, a crafter, a seamstress,  an overachiever, a perfectionist, a liberal, a vegetarian, a gardener and so on and so forth.  I had friends that were present in one or all of those identities and those who knew me would often use those labels to determine what kinds of stories to share, what we might have in common, or use me for my expertise or interest in a topic to expand their own understanding of something.

But when Nate was born I became Mom.  I found myself hanging out with groups of women soley because we were Moms.  We would talk about Mom things: our kids, or homes, our schedules, or lack of sleep, how to diaper best, where to get the best organic clothing, what-have-you.  After a couple years there was a point where everyone started having another child- and I wasn't- and there were new Mom things to discuss: sibling rivalry,  handling double naps, competing interests, and so on.  Around the same time,  I decided that I should go back to work part time- which is a decidedly non-Mom thing to do.

And that was when my friendships began to change.  I began to seek out women who could support and expand the variety of identities I have.  I was no longer content being just-Mom- I was no longer content to use my son as an excuse and a wall for holding back the development of who I am- fully.

I still work daily on finding that balance, that integration of all the Jennifers that I may be.  But I do know that this work, of figuring it all out, finding the balance, working to grow and learn and be grateful, is the hardest, most brutal and awe-inspiring path I've yet to been on.

In the end, as we all know, labels suck.  They fail to actually capture even a small piece of who each of us is.  I am Jennifer.  That's it.  I will continue to be just that in the future as well.  In the end, we all just want to be (insert need here).