So, this post is about mothering. I know that if you're here, you probably already figured out that this blog is largely about my experience of growing a new person in this world. I feel like there are days when I just want to show pictures, share happenings and move on. And then there are days like today, when I've been stewing on some ideas, thinking about different conversations I've had with people, and have been really bogged down in the trenches of mothering that I feel a need to share as well. So, this is that kind of day- the second kind.
So, Nate and I are in the process of night weaning. That's the process of not breastfeeding through the night anymore. When I got into this whole mothering thing, I really didn't expect to be nursing this long. I remember when I was getting my teaching credential, I did some student teaching in the afternoon preschool on campus. One of my head teachers had a son who was attending that was around 2. She nursed him openly throughout the day. I thought, "That will never be me." Now I have a 2 year old and here we are, still breastfeeding. I honestly don't know how I feel about it anymore. I'm definitely glad that we got to this point. I'm not sure how much longer I can do it. I definitely need some sleep, so that's where the night weaning comes in. I have not gotten a full night's sleep (over 5 hours) in over 2 years. I am usually awakened at least 3 times a night with Nate wanting to nurse. Some times it's as many as 6 times. Before Nate, I was a mess if I didn't get to sleep at least 8.
So, I decided to cut off the night milk. It has been 5 nights and I am still awakened every night at 3am and 5am and instead of just giving him milk and us both going back to sleep, I get to be yelled at by my lovely 2 year old. The yelling has become less intense over the nights- it has gone from about 8 minutes to 2, but its still there. According to the 'experts' he should be sleeping through the night in 2 more nights. We'll see.
So, why do I share all this? Because I don't feel like it's talked about enough. There are definite days when I feel 'between camps' and it's hard to feel supported by those around me. I've been noticing a lot of 'all or nothing' kind of ideas surrounding me lately: breastfeed until your child stops OR formula feed, co-sleep until your child leaves the bed/sleeps through the night OR have them cry it out from 6 months on, stay at home full time OR work, have lots of kids OR none...lots of absolutes. I know that some of those examples are exaggerations of the real deal but, if you're a mom, I'm sure you know where I'm coming from.
But you see, that's why I had to write this post...I don't think enough moms in the 'middle' really talk about these things. SO here I am, I don't need to have a discussion about this, I genuinely just wanted to share. Mothering is damn hard work. Even if you only have one. Even if you decide to stop breastfeeding before your child does. Even if you have to go to work- by choice or not. But we all love our kids. We all want what's best for them. I guess I just wanted to share to connect. We are not alone in all this. Thanks for joining me on this experience, if only through reading my words. Every connection helps.
2 comments:
I suspect that there are a lot of mothers in that between camp - they're just not as loudly vocal as the extremes because they realize that each child/parent relationship is unique and who are they to tell you how to do it... If it helps, I know at least one other mother who night-weaned before her child wanted, but breastfed in the day until the child gave it up.
Hey Jen-Sorry this is going to be long. I should have just emailed you :) I love checking out your blog. You are so expressive! I breastfed Derek for 13 mo but had to get my body back for me.So he actually transitioned over to whole milk on a bottle. Never used bottles before that time. He won't drink milk unless it is from a bottle and he is now 17 months. It's like he still need nursing. He holds onto my shirt and drinks away. I tried to force him to drink milk from a cup by withholding the bottle(water and juice he takes from a sippy cup or straw)but he went 3 days straight without milk and I know growing boys need milk. I hate that so many people say there is a right way and wrong way to do things. The best things I've done as a mom is to follow my own instincts. I have a few major regrets for the times I didn't. I guess life's greatest joy and reward results from meeting the challenges of the hardest job on earth.
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