Growing

in gratitude

2012-01-27T04:00:00.000-08:00

For all the teaching in my life...in particular, within a tree house in miniature.

one small step

2012-01-25T04:00:00.000-08:00

Adoption has always been something on my heart- something that I've always known would be a part of my life since I first started thinking about about what my life might look like when I 'grew up.' I suppose I'm finally beginning to feel like a grown-up because we're now beginning the process of opening our home to a child in need in the coming year. It's a slow process, as we're staying local, San Diego County, and it's a process full of paperwork and hoops to jump through. Nate is excited at the idea of a sibling, Jed and I are excited at the prospect of growing our family.

As I said in my post yesterday, there have been a variety of shifts lately and the film below (and the book it's about) is one of those shifts. The book didn't just 'shift' me, it grabbed hold of my heart, shook it and declared that I take notice. I can't even remember how I heard about the book or what inspired me to buy it, but I did and I couldn't put it down. And the message I got loud and clear is that I need to remember, every single day, what I am here for. Not to tend to my own and purpose will but to love my neighbor and to open my heart to those that I am in a position to help. At this point, I am a mother, with an ability and passion to care for others that might need some mothering.

So, each day we will fill out a new paper, go to another class and learn one more thing to help us on this journey. One small step each day in better serving our purpose here on earth.

Here's more information about Katie's amazing ministry: Amazima Ministries

a shift

2012-01-24T04:00:00.000-08:00

I almost didn't write this post because, quite honestly, I wasn't quite sure what I was going to write about. You see for the past couple weeks I've been feeling something shifting within me. I will come to write a post and I'll be stuck. I'll begin to type and then I'll erase the letters on the screen and start again. It's genuinely hard to put into words what I'm feeling, it's not even an actual feeling that I can identify. The only way to actually put it'into any kind of terms is I feel God shifting my life: shifting my priorities, shifting my thoughts, shifting my reactions, shifting my view of the world as I've known it. And the reason this seems so hard to articulate is because it's subtle this work that God is doing. It's not an earthquake-sized event that shakes who I am and what I know. It's a feeling of anticipation of the path that our family is walking and the different opportunities that are presenting themselves. It's a true celebration of the fact that as I am slowly learning to release this life as mine and so much more peace and clarity and opportunities are presenting themselves. It's a shift in my perception of the world and my place in it. It's a shift of my priorities and where I let my mind wander throughout the day. It's a shift of that is so small it's monumental at the same time. It is truly the mustard seed that can move mountains, as one incredibly wise man said. And I look forward to sharing this path with you as it presents itself.

music monday

2012-01-23T04:00:00.001-08:00

The treasure hunt is why I love the video, the music speaks for itself- The Honey Trees:

in gratitude

2012-01-20T04:00:00.000-08:00

For beautiful storytellers that we find online who become the perfect background for completing projects.

so random

2012-01-19T04:00:00.000-08:00

Dwelling on the unimportant, stressing on the unintended, and freaking over the unknown, Jennifer, simply doesn't work... and are a bit like lighting a match in a dark room to make sure no one accidentally sprinkled any gunpowder on your bicycle, kept under the stairs, near the back porch, in January.

Actually, some of that wasn't really important, but hopefully it distracted from any stigma you may have attached to freaking over the unknown.

There are so many random ways to fill your inbox these days- mostly in the form of 'daily deals' that you don't really need. I came across this website(http://www.tut.com/resources/notes/about) 6 months ago and it is genuinely one of my favorite things to read 5 mornings a week. I saved the one above from the beginning of the year and I realized that this idea of "freaking over the unknown" is definitely something I can work on this year. To stop thinking about the what-ifs, considering how others may react, or not, and just get on with living my own life. A work in progress.

babies

2012-01-18T04:00:00.000-08:00

We have had oh so many troubles with our fish tank recently. I fear it's one of those cases of "what you pay attention to grows" as it seems the more we pay attention to our fish tank and work to 'fix' whatever's wrong with it, the worse off we are. I've had fish tanks for years in my classrooms, all in some form of neglect or another. Every week or so I'd remember to feed them, when I couldn't see the fish anymore I knew it was time to clean it, etc., but all of my fish survived. Yet, once I brought my fish tank home, I can't seem to keep the fish alive. We've killed embarrassingly large numbers of fish in the past year. We've had our water tested, bought the most hardy ones (read: cheapest), found out what days the fish were 'new' at the pet store, and on and on.

Last week we decided yet, again, to give it a go and picked up two mickey mouse platys. Super cute fish. We've had them before and when we had chosen the originals months ago, Nate was super excited because the info card at the pet store read "may reproduce and have babies." The kid was sold on that alone. So, needless to say, when our first pair died, he wasn't necessarily sad that they were gone, just that they hadn't had babies yet.

Well, like I said, we picked up a pair last week, mainly to get the biological processes going in our fish tank again and also to see if these two might make it. We woke up the next morning, I sat down to breakfast and heard Nate exclaim, "They had babies!" I looked into the tank and there they were, babies- little miniatures of the big fish we had swimming around. We only saw one or two but as the morning wore on our eyes got better at spotting them and I've now counted at least 7. Nate had to go to school and we had a talk that sometimes the bigger fish might eat the smaller fish (Nate seems to handle animal death/predation remarkably well) so there may not be many (or any) babies when we get back.

But here we are, a week later and they're still in there! And growing just a bit bigger each day. Unfortunately, one of the bigger fish already died but we've still go the one big one and can't wait to see what happens with all these babies. As you can tell from the photos, not only are they adorably small, they're nearly impossible to take a picture of in the tank as well.

So here we are, growing a boy, food, chickens and now fish. Fingers crossed and hope for the best.

(this one is the full sized version)

a day

2012-01-17T04:00:00.000-08:00

Nate and I have so very many full days. Days full of places to go, things to see, people to connect with. This past month was intensely full and there were days when I worried that Nate and I would forget what it was like to have 'nothing' to do. To have to chart our own course for a day; no errands to run, no one waiting for us to meet them, a genuine unplanned day. Last Friday finally provided us with such a day. And I couldn't believe I had spent even a moment worrying- of course Nate and I would have a great day- even better than that, it was an awesome day! Most of it involved snuggles and books, good chunks of it involved eating, but my favorite portion by far was going through an entire bottle of bubbles in one sitting (without any spillage) and having our neighbors come over to play in them with us. Just yet another reminder that sometimes,probably most times, no agenda is the best agenda.

music monday

2012-01-16T04:00:00.000-08:00

Heard mention of the Jayhawks the other day on the radio, it seems they're playing a show down here this month, and remembered just how much I loved them so many years ago. Now, I get to share them here!

in gratitude

2012-01-13T04:00:00.000-08:00

For lots of downtime with my boy this week, most of it spent huddled around a new globe.

embracing it all

2012-01-12T04:00:00.000-08:00

I went outside today with the express intent to take a picture of the beautiful camellias we have blooming outside our sliding door. Part of my reasoning is that the flowers are just amazing to look at and the other part is so I would have a reminder on these pages of why I should keep that green bush that's totally out of scale and drives me crazy the other 11 months of the year. By the time I got outside, though, most of the flowers were in shadows and only the 'not so good' ones were in full light. Shrugging my shoulders I lifted my camera and took a few shots anyway.

At the time I thought I might not post them or I might do a little photo editing/cropping to only show the good parts. But once I sat down to write this post I realized that I really wanted to post the pictures in their honest form. Because this is really what my garden looks like right now. I bit sunburned by the intense January heat, a bit brown around the edges from lack of rain and yet it continues to grow, thrive and give me pleasure, no matter how little time I spend tending it.

I'm not going to add some cliche about life here, though you may certainly extrapolate that way if you'd like. I think I'm really taking a pro-honesty stance these days and this is my honest picture of the day. And, goodness, I still find it a sight to behold.

same old patterns of thinking

2012-01-11T04:00:00.000-08:00

traveling as fast in one direction as she can go before she has second thoughts & goes back to doing the same old stuff~ storypeople~ brian andreas

receiving and releasing

2012-01-10T04:00:00.000-08:00

I am a collector of things. And I strive for a minimalist lifestyle. These two ideas often become a source of conflict in my life.

I don't often buy many things, the things I have are often free and just have a way of making their way into my home and making themselves comfortable. When they first present themselves in my life I think, "Goodness, isn't this charming, isn't this winsome, is this not the most special thing you have seen in the world?" And I tuck it into some corner of my home and glance at it over tea.

These things will sit for a few days, weeks, months, or years and one day I will come upon the idea (yet again) that I am not defined by my things and I will purge. I will fill boxes and bags and trunks and drive off to my charity of choice that month and share the goodness of my things with others. But then something new will catch my eye, I will think, "What a gem!" and that empty spot on the shelf will be filled with something interesting and new again.

For years I have beat myself up over this cycle of objects coming and going in my home. It is not until recently that I saw it as that- a cycle- and have to come accept that it is not something that makes me entirely unhappy. There really are amazing things out in the world. Sometimes I'll find them at a garage sale, sometimes it's something a friend passes on because they think it'll interest me, sometimes it's something a family member was trying to find a new home for, sometimes it beckons from the gutter of a street. No matter the way it gets into my life, I realize I actually enjoy this cycle of receiving and releasing.

In the project pictured above, Nate and I came up with a fun way to reuse a few objects that had entered our lives over the past few years: picture tiles from my aunt's kindergarten classroom over 20 years ago, leftover pieces from a new game Jed got for his birthday in October, vellum paper from a scrapbook we made at my sister's baby shower for Logan 4 years ago. We took those objects glued them together and made three pretty awesome pictures for his room. They are now proudly displayed on his shelf.

And they will stay there for days or weeks or years until we make something new, find something different, or are gifted something that needs the space and we will release these pieces with as much ease as we created them.

It's a process, this becoming comfortable with all the cycles of growing and changing we go through. Sometimes, when I look on the surface of things and see stuff it becomes an easy way to become frustrated that I'm not truly minimalist enough, I'm too attached to things, I'm not allowing my authentic self to show through. But then sometimes I am able to step back and see the gifts that we are given all the time, the little objects of beauty that people share with us, gift to us, or that we create ourselves and am thankful for the time we have them in our homes and I'm able to come to a little bit more peace about it all. I am not my stuff. Though I may enjoy sharing space with it all. It is alright to enjoy interesting, beautiful, fun things. It is what makes this space my home. It is an outward extension of the way I see the world. And it comes and goes, it ebbs and flows. And I am okay with that.

music monday

2012-01-09T04:00:00.000-08:00

Not much to say. Lovely. Listen. Enjoy!

in gratitude

2012-01-06T04:00:00.000-08:00

For an amazing boy who turned 5 right before my eyes.

pondering

2012-01-05T04:00:00.000-08:00

It seems silly to still be talking about Christmas this far past the actual holiday but seeing as I believe the spirit of Christmas is something that should be shared year round, I'm not late at all, just getting ready for next year...

Regardless, I did receive the most perfect of gifts this year from my husband and son. I found a tin of wooden spools of thread in my "teacher closet" that I finally cleaned out this fall. Not knowing what to do with all of that beautiful thread, it remained in those tins the past few months. The tins made their way into the house, out into the garage again, back in next to my sewing machine, and around and around. I loved to just open the tin to look at the threads, to imagine women of another generation using that thread to create goodness for their own family. A time in which things happened a lot slower and objects were valued for their craftsmanship. A time in which something as insignificant as a spool on which to hold thread was made out of wood. Carved out of a tree. And wrapped around it was a rainbow of cotton. Used to create magic from cotton and needle.

And then, on Christmas morning, Jed and Nate disappeared into the garage and told me to close my eyes. When I opened them this amazing-ness greeted me! It now has a home on the shelf above my sewing table and I get to gaze at it in wonder every meal from our dining room table. Truly the perfect gift. So thankful.

Nathaniel

2012-01-04T04:00:00.000-08:00

Oh dearest boy of mine,

You are five today. Five. A whole hand. You seem so much older than that small number, yet at the same time I feel like I'm still only beginning to know you. I am blessed beyond measure to be your mother, to get to be witness to the amazing things you say, you think, you create. You teach me on a daily basis what it means to really be here in this world. You have taught me whole new meanings of friendship, you have taught me what it means to bring your true self to the world.

I love you. So very much.

Happiest of birthdays and enjoy 5 years old!

love, me

resolutions, revelations

2012-01-03T04:00:00.001-08:00

I gave up resolutions long ago. The perfectionist in me has a hard time with goals of any sort. When I resolve to do something, that pretty much means it's good as done. And when it doesn't happen exactly the way that I thought it would, or in the time frame that I thought it should get done (generally that means immediately), then I become frustrated and down on myself.

I've been thinking a lot lately about goals in general and how goal setting isn't something that generally makes me feel content.

I've begun to realize that that doesn't make me unmotivated or have less of a passion for getting things done, accomplishments, etc. it's actually the opposite. I find that if I set an intention, rather than a focused goal, an I am instead of an I am going to I am much more open to different outcomes and timelines.

I find it gives me so much more peace of mind to say I am creative rather than I am going create more art. It allows me the opportunity to see myself as the creative being I want to be, thus freeing my mind to actually create, dream and ponder, rather than keep my mind spinning about how I will create more art, what kind of art that may be, become frustrated that said art isn't original enough, expressive enough, true enough etc.

And perhaps it's the word nerd in me that feels that there's such a difference between a resolution and an intention. I honestly don't even want to look up the definitions of the two because it may spoil the differences I have in my own mind.

So, if no resolutions...what then? I came across the idea of choosing a word or phrase to live into in the coming year. I haven't done that before but I know that if I had a phrase to describe last year it would be let go. I had a lot of letting go that had to be done. Mostly paradigms and views of the world that were all in my own head. Most of the letting go was done in pain, sadness and with such the valiant fight. But when I finally embraced that phrase- let go- I realized what it really meant- step out of controlling every situation, let go of my belief that I know what is best for everyone in my life, including myself, and, most importantly, let go to something so much more vast and amazing and bigger than I could ever understand. So I did. And I found peace. I found comfort. I found that I had oh so very much to be thankful for.

But for this year? I've decided it is I am here. That means so much to me. And I'm sure what that phrase means to me now, on this the second day of the year, may be quite different from what it means to me 364 days from now. But see, even by my saying that, I'm proving my own need for that phrase. I like to look forward- I like to have things to look forward to, activities planned, places to go. I enjoy being busy, knowing what the next thing will be. But it can make me anxious, it can make me miss the sheer magic and brilliance and unexpected amazing-ness of what's happening right now. And I'm tired of missing that because I'm pondering some what if.

I am here. No where else. This is the only place I can be, this is the time and space that all of the events of my life have led up to, be in that place, really see what it's like. Much like my phrase from last year, it's about surrendering the idea that I truly know it all. It makes me acknowledge that I only know what's happening in exactly this moment and I better darn well absorb as much as I can to move into the next. Oh, I am so excited to be here! Here is a wonderful place to be. Thank you for joining me here.

music monday

2012-01-02T04:00:00.000-08:00

One of the benefits of watching 'tv' on the computer? Instant look up of songs that catch my ear during a show. Started my search with Waking Life bu Schuyler Fisk and then couldn't stop listening to her songs. Goodness. Happy New Year!

in gratitude

2011-12-30T04:00:00.000-08:00

For family...so very much family love on Christmas. We are so blessed to have each other. To be near each other. To have so much love.

christmas morning

2011-12-29T04:00:00.001-08:00

Am I only just now getting to pictures of Christmas morning? My goodness did we all have such a great time. These are just a few of the pictures...I'm sure I'll find more to share tomorrow.

wonder

2011-12-28T04:00:00.000-08:00

Growing up, my grandma had the most beautiful little vignettes on her buffet in the dining room. They always involved the smallest of people and houses, with fluffy snow and little scenes of wonder. About halfway through the month, my mom began to find some of the pieces that my grandmother had used and started putting them out on various tables throughout her house. Nate began arranging some of the pieces on one of the table- arranging and rearranging with each visit. One morning when I was leaving Nate with my mom for a couple hours I mentioned that she might want to clear her own buffet in her foyer, add some fake snow, and have Nate help create a scene.

The wonderful mother she is- she listened! And when I arrived back that afternoon, this scene was there to greet me, and every other person visiting her house. Each place was carefully chosen by Nate, creating stories along the way. It is truly a work of wondrous art and I'm wondering what might replace it in the coming weeks...

oh, what a time it has been

2011-12-27T08:03:00.000-08:00

We had the most incredible of Christmas weeks. Wednesday was Garden of Lights at the local botanic garden and we had such a lovely time. I think it'll take me the rest of the week to go through my pictures to show some of my favorite moments. Needless to say, much time has been spent paying with new toys, gadgets, being cozy on the couch and just loving each other. Slowly, slowly, the words and pictures will come.

music monday

2011-12-26T04:00:00.000-08:00

I had the delight of seeing this lovely singer- Sara Watkins- at Christmas event at church. Oh, she was amazing. This was one of the songs she sang. Enjoy!

in gratitude

2011-12-23T04:00:00.000-08:00

In gratitude for reminders every day about what this holiday is really about (yes, that's a picture that Nate drew of Jesus, Nate believes He was a very tall man). Merry Christmas!

gifting

2011-12-22T04:00:00.000-08:00

Sometimes things come together exactly as you would hope and this time it was with our gift wrap. Last year I found bunches of fabric in my stash that were various 'holiday' prints (a very loose term in my mind, really anything that is colorful, bonus points if it's red, white or green).

I took some time to sew up bags and was able to wrap most of our presents with that and some scrap yarn. This year, I was able to pull out those bags to use again (the beauty of reuse!) and only had to make about 10 replacements/additions to complete our gift wrapping. I found a stash of gift tags (thanks to some good clean up of my 'teaching cupboard' this fall), got a to/from stamp on sale at Joanne's, found tons of 50 cent real ribbon at Michael's and my wrapping was complete.

I am so very in love with the way all the gifts come together under the tree and the ease with which all of us, even Jed :), can wrap a present with ease.

And even better? Folding up the bags, rolling up the ribbon and using them again next year! I'm currently in the market for some fun ideas for the gift tags. I have an idea of a wreath, with the tags circling around, flower side out...we'll see!

happy winter solstice to you

2011-12-21T04:00:00.000-08:00

There was a moment about a week ago when I fully realized that the days truly are shorter right now. I noticed the lengthening shadows and got up from a chair to start making dinner but when I got in the kitchen and looked at the clock, lo and behold, it was only 3.

But so far, all these shorter days have turned out to be quite the blessing. I find my mornings and afternoons so very full of all sorts of lovely things that I enjoy the darkness and the coziness and the retreat indoors that the changing seasons bring.

I also know enough to recognize that I probably feel this way because I live where it's sunny 90% of the year so a little darkness does a girl good, and I also know that I may not be singing the same tune come February. But for now, I can appreciate this, the first day of winter and the shortest day of our year. I hope you are enjoying your own!

ramblings

2011-12-20T04:00:00.000-08:00

One of the most shocking things I've learned while being a parent is that each day I look at Nate, I am looking into a mirror. And what happens when I'm afraid of what I see in the mirror? Or it makes tears spring to my eyes? Or makes my heart thump so hard it hurts?

And then that mirror turns transparent and I see that he is just himself. A boy who will be turning 5 in just a couple weeks. His own person, with his own style of relating to the world.

I know there is so much more to this post. But my brain is caught in the whirl of the week before Christmas. Another time, I'm sure.

music monday

2011-12-19T04:00:00.000-08:00

Well, of course it's more Christmas music. I have to admit that I'm hard pressed this week to choose just one so there's a (very) good chance I'll have to add one or two more videos as the week goes by. But if I had to choose, A Fine Frenzy's version of Winter Wonderland tops my list today:

in gratitude

2011-12-16T04:00:00.000-08:00

In gratitude for peaceful moments of wonder and light, remembering what this season is really about.

I promise you not a moment will be lost as long as I have heart & voice to speak & we will walk again together with a thousand others & a thousand more & on & on until there is no one among us who does not know the truth: there is no future without love. ~ storypeople (brian andreas)

let it rain, let it pour

2011-12-15T04:00:00.000-08:00

We had the most marvelous couple days of rain. It was drizzling, it was raining, it was cloudy, it was wet. And it smelled so good and it felt so good and, oh, did it ever put me in a holiday frame of mind. But, I will admit that in the whirl of this fantastic holiday season, I didn't slow down for one picture. Not-a-one of Nate dressed up in his rain gear (oh that boy loves rain gear, from his fireman rain slicker to his Lightning McQueen rain boots to mama's old J.Crew rain hat), nothing of jumping over, around and into puddles in our driveway, nothing of trees dripping fat drops of water to wet ground below, nothing of rose petals on the ground, pushed by those first drops of rain that so rarely seem to make it this far south.

Yet, I take heart that I saw it all. I took moments here and there to notice. But I was so focused on getting to the next thing that I couldn't take time to pull out the camera. And be still for the amount of time it might take me to take a picture that I loved, or at least liked. And, yes, I finished all of the gifting on my list, I was able to get together with some of my favorite ladies for a brunch, chat it up and work at my volunteering gig and enjoy Nate's first play(!) but, in hindsight, I see what I may have missed in the between moments too. But there will be more rain (even here in the southlands) and even more moments and that is the lovely part about life.

Here's something that came to my inbox today that got me thinking about those 'in between' spaces...a reminder that even though I am reveling and enjoying and am having way too much fun being busy, to remember to really see what's going on- even during the pauses may give me a glimpse into another world. I like the question it asks- Can we see better?

We miss a lot, almost everything, in fact, in our world. Our task-focused filters take care of that, selecting only what we need. We need to get to work. Have some lunch. Find that report. Water the garden. Go out on a date. We see what we need to see, often for purposes of survival -- or survival of the species. Gregory Bateson, speaking of beauty, said aesthetic judgment is selection of a fact. We create the sight even as we become conscious of it. We do not simply see it. In our daily lives, who or what is doing the selecting? And why? Is this predetermined? Can we -- in the here and now – make a change? Can we see further? Can we see better? Can we even better our world?
Opening our vision is a first step in Everyday Creativity.
--Ruth Richards, in Everyday Creativity

I'm glad for the reminder, smack dab in the middle of this busy time, to really ask myself: Can I see better? Can I see further? And along the way, try to remember to bring the camera.

color!

2011-12-14T04:00:00.000-08:00

What happens when some lovely friends decide to drop in one afternoon with a box of dyes and some beautiful silk scarves? Color! My first foray into dyeing silks was so very much fun. I only had three pieces to work on but in the future I will be making many more. I have a few ideas I'm tucking away for a cloudy day...vibrant sheer curtain panels, silky skirts, gift wrap. One month is far to short for all of the creative goodness I find bubbling up inside me these days, I may have to continue gifting into the winter :)

parade-a-rific

2011-12-13T04:00:00.000-08:00

This has been the month of parades for our family, from watching to hosting to being in them, we can't seem to get enough. We decided to enter our first ever boat parade this year. The last couple years we have gone down to Oceanside Harbor to enjoy the parade from the back of my parent's boat. Last year's was a small affair, just a few boats that circled the harbor a couple time. When I saw the flyer just after Thanksgiving advertising this year's parade I (accidentally?) said outloud, "We should enter!" to my family. Well, a couple weeks later my mom lets me know that she found some strings of battery operated lights so get thinking about other boat decorations we might need.

And, thus was born "Santa's Workshop." The kids were elves, Matt was Santa and Jed tried to make sure the kids kept waving and stayed inside the boat.

They did awesome! The boat couldn't have had more decorations on it without sinking. The kids couldn't have been more enthusiastic and adorable and the men couldn't have had more fun.

My favorite part was watching a stream of boats from 30-70' long go past us and then right in the middle was our little 13' dinghy with the most spirited and adorable gang aboard.

Happy holidays indeed!

music monday

2011-12-12T04:00:00.001-08:00

Oh, music sweet music. Christmas carols are my all time favorite music genre (if they are that at all) and I do not limit myself to listening to them during the month of December. But I do, however, limit my purchase of new Christmas music to only during this month and this was on my list of bought music this year. She & Him singing my most favorite of winter songs (reversed too!- you'll see what I mean when you listen):

in gratitude

2011-12-09T04:00:00.000-08:00

I am grateful for impromptu neighborhood parades and the silly hats they entail. For friends, children, and dancing to marching bands in the twilight. Hurray!

awesome-ness

2011-12-08T04:00:00.000-08:00

I found the most amazing author the other day- Dallas Clayton. Really seems to be the most amazing person as well. His website is called 'Awesome World' and that really sums it all up. You have to check out his website and see even more awesome artwork. Oh, have I mentioned how awesome his work is? :)

oh so busy

2011-12-07T08:23:00.001-08:00

We have been oh so busy. And, yes, maybe I over-schedule us, but at this point we are loving it. As much as I read and hear- keep it simple, less is more, and all those lovely mantras, I've come to realize that's just not me. I enjoy the hustle and bustle of the holiday season. I like stretching my socializing a bit more during December and it makes me happy to be busy and connecting with such a wide variety of people and projects. So, I will keep on keeping on being busy because, right now, it's making me so darn happy. And so very soon it will pass and it will be quiet and it will be slow again. And I will embrace that as well. In the meantime, bring on the projects, bring on the parties, bring on the crafts, bring on the gifting...woohoo!

our 'new' chalkboard door. love it!

a gift for jed for our anniversary on the 26th

the project nate and i made for 'create something beautiful' (day 2 of advent)

a surprise :)

more surprises :)

the banner I created for jed was transformed into a december wish banner...yep, nate wishes for more art!

outside my window

2011-12-06T04:00:00.000-08:00

One of the pear and the persimmon tree have almost done with their change into fall leaves, the persimmon has lost most of hers. But they just continue to shine in their autumn glory every morning and afternoon that I look out my window. There are times when I'm sweeping up the living room and I catch a shimmer of gold downstairs and I am reminded of those beautiful trees. The cold nights are here at last and are slowly but surely transforming my garden into a winter garden. I've left most of my native blooms on the plants for bird seed but I noticed the birds aren't gathering under the bushes so much anymore...almost time to prune I suppose. The tangerines are in. Just barely, a little sour for some but just right for many. Can barely pick them fast enough before they're gobbled up. We have so very much on this little plot of land. So very many blessings.

music monday

2011-12-05T04:00:00.000-08:00

I don't know if it's the fact that she's dressed as an angel or that there's the most amazing tricycle featured at the end...but I'm loving this video (and the music, of course).

in gratitude

2011-12-02T04:00:00.000-08:00

I hope you had a moment, or many moments strung together to appreciate the amazing amount of goodness in your life. I know I did. Just one of the millions of pictures I took last weekend...

Now these are good people. So very thankful. Thank you. Thank you.

it has begun!

2011-12-01T04:00:00.000-08:00

Today is the first day of of December, the beginning of advent and truly the most wonderful time of the year. I had hoped to include a picture of the advent calendar that I made for Nate but then I realized that I wouldn't get pictures until after we set it up and (here's the big secret) I normally write my posts the night before you see them so no pictures yet :) We'll see if I get them together by tonight...you never know. Pictures are now up!!!

It was SO very much fun to create this project. I started with the idea that I wanted to make an advent calendar with a different activity each day. I knew the activities and the calendar itself had to be simple or I wouldn't follow through in making it, let alone completing the activities each day. At the same time I had in the back of my mind the idea of the Jesse Tree. I had come across a story about the Jesse Tree a few years ago and was intrigued. The idea of a Jesse tree comes from the Bible:

The Jesse Tree is named from Isaiah 11:1: "A shoot will spring forth from the stump of Jesse, and a branch out of his roots." It is a vehicle to tell the Story of God in the Old Testament, and to connect the Advent Season with the faithfulness of God across 4,000 years of history. . link

So...I decided to make a Jesse Tree Advent Calendar. I found a great example for choosing ornaments to hang each day as well as the corresponding Bible stories from Nate's children's Bible at this site. I used the outline that she created and then matched each day with an activity for Nate to do that would reinforce the Bible verse/lesson that we read that morning. So, on December 2, Nate will open the envelope with a 2 on it, find a sun ornament and a label telling him what the activity is for the day. We'll learn that today is 'Creation' and will read Genesis 1. Then we'll create something beautiful to share with others.

Oh, I am so beside myself with excitement to see how Nate receives this calendar. I love that it's more than a countdown to Christmas presents and that each day can serve as a reminder of God's love for us and our love for each other. That we will get to take time each day working on projects that will serve a greater purpose than just mere 'decorations' or 'holiday decorations.' Oh joy! It has truly begun.

oh my

2011-11-30T04:00:00.000-08:00

We'reLumi

Haveyoueverlovedaphotosomuchyouwishyoucouldreachoutandtouchit?Doesniftysciencebringasmiletoyourfac

This is magic. This is science. This is art. This is incredible. It is sunprint fabric paint! I have no idea why I'm so stinking excited about this product but something about it amazes me. I saw a post of someone who used the fabric to make a sunprint zipper bag and I immediately started thinking of all the incredible possibilities for this paint.

Here's some info from the company that makes it:

Lumi is a design and technology company that is working to bring analog photography out of the dark room.

We have a shop in Los Angeles CA, we use our magical dye and the 'Lumi Machine' to make neat designs. See our work with our furniture partner, Cisco Home.

We're now selling our dye for you to do your own magic. We currently sell blue, red andorange.

http://lumi.co/

Maybe a field trip to LA is in my future. Maybe someone has gotten an idea of what I want for Christmas :)

paper projects

2011-11-29T04:00:00.000-08:00

I haven't felt drawn to knit or sew lately but in a need to create I found some awesome paper crafts (here and here) to work on instead... I could make these all night long. Some minis? Some jumbos? Some multi-colored? Oh the possibilities are endless. We'll see what happens!

music monday

2011-11-28T04:00:00.000-08:00

This is actually Nate's favorite song right now but as this is one of my favorite movies and such an incredibly beautiful song, I've decided I couldn't not share it. Clearly still on a gospel kick.

in gratitude

2011-11-23T04:00:00.000-08:00

for art. so very much art.

Ending the week a bit early...happiest of thanksgivings to you.

if wishes were kisses

2011-11-22T04:00:00.000-08:00

I never want to forget that at the end of his 4th year, Nate only wished for more kisses.

When finding a dandelion, "I wish for more kisses."
While tossing a coin in a fountain, "I wish for more kisses."
While blowing an eyelash off the finger, "I wish for more kisses."

Each time, said with eyes closed but just loud enough for a mama to hear. How could I not grant this sweet boy's every wish?

p.s.
I googled the title after I wrote it because it sounded way too familiar and lo and behold, good old Parry Como wrote a song by the same title...but that's not what this post is about- that's just a lovely, nerdy aside.

music monday

2011-11-21T04:00:00.001-08:00

Especially me, probably you. Oh it is so fun finding something good to listen to. I found this a few weeks ago and keep coming back.

in gratitude

2011-11-18T04:00:00.000-08:00

I am grateful for impromptu science at the SD Botanic Gardens. Lessons in surface tension and bubbles with a mix of reptiles and amphibians (not pictured) thrown in. A perfect morning.

what we make matters

2011-11-17T04:00:00.000-08:00

Even if it's not the most polished piece. Even if it's not how we envisioned it when we first began our work. Even if it exists for the span of 10 minutes and is destroyed or gone when clean-up time comes along.

What we make matters. That we make matters. That we enjoy time together creating, making, being matters.

a reminder to really look

2011-11-16T04:00:00.000-08:00

I want these images to remind me to look. To actually open my eyes to the world when I step outside my house, and even when I am within. So many days I find myself rushing out the door, my mind on the various places I'm off to, the people I may be seeing, the things I may be doing. And at the same time, the gardener in me is doing a quick survey of the front yard: the bermuda sneaking in, hiding among my natives, the pineapple sage has lost its last bloom, the white sage giving off its sweet scent in the morning dew. But it's just that- a quick survey.

I am not a rose person- never have been. When we first moved into this house, we inherited about 10 rose bushes. 9 of them are in the front, right next to the driveway. I had big plans for that section- there was no irrigation going to it (meaning I would have to hand water those rose plants all summer long) so it was the perfect space to begin my foray into natives. As I said, I had big plans. That first summer turned into fall, turned into winter, turned into spring, turned into summer and the seasons kept changing and I started to prune the roses, and I figured out how to set up a drip line that I could attach a hose to once or twice a week, Jed started dumping coffee grounds at their bases, and the roses flourished. And the thing is, I am still not a rose person, but I am definitely a fan of anything beautiful. And I finally had to admit, these roses were stinkin' beautiful. No two were alike, they had clearly been chosen for their delicacy and scent. These were no grocery store roses- these were the real thing.

And the best part is that they are right there on the side of my driveway, releasing their scent into my car as I drive away and greeting me with that same sweet fragrance upon returning home. And because they are not store quality roses, the blooms rarely last more than a day. They go from tight bud to full bloom within a couple days and to bring them inside is to embrace their fleeting beauty, as petals can be found within a day or two surrounding their vase.

And so I've decided to literally stop and smell the roses more often. They may not be 'my kind of flower' but what is really? They are surely beautiful, fragrant and put up with my neglectful style of gardening. And they are right there. I pass by them every day. They are my visual cue to slow down, return to this actual moment, right here in the world and be present. They are my reminder to really look: at where I am, who I am, and to be genuinely present and at peace with that reality.

So, I will listen to that inner voice that we won't be late if I go inside to get my camera to spend an extra 2 minutes really looking at a flower, that it's not too cold to capture that tree in just the right evening light, that I'm not too tired to really get down into the dirt with my hands and plant those winter greens. I have time. There is always time.

projects in progress

2011-11-15T04:00:00.000-08:00

I've found myself in a mini-flurry of creating lately. A little for me, a little for others.

I pre-ordered this sweet pattern book a couple months ago, completely forgetting about it after it was ordered. When it arrived last week, it was just the thing to set my clothing making heart a-flutter. Patiently working on a shirt for myself, oh so slowly, to avoid ripping out any seams.

I have begun sewing the advent calendar. I'm making one for Nate and one for my sister's family. I am so beside myself with excitement about this one. It deserves its own whole post once I'm closer to finishing it up. December 1st is creeping up faster than I could have imagined!

A bag. A friend asked me to design a bag for her. And I came up with this one. It speaks to me about her on so many different levels and reminds me that we are all the shelter of someone's heart- whether we know it or not.

Finally a hat. As a knitter who makes gifts for people, I try not to post them here before I give them away because I don't want the spoil the surprise. As this one has not been gifted yet, that's all I'll say- a hat :)

music monday

2011-11-14T04:00:00.000-08:00

I'm a sucker for gospel. Throw U2 into the mix and I'm instantly in love. Sometimes mainstream pop is exactly what my heart needs.

in gratitude

2011-11-11T04:00:00.000-08:00

I've decided to make Fridays my day of gratitude. I will include a picture and some words of one of the many blessings in my life this week. And, as always, this is with gratitude to you, dear reader, for spending time with me this week as well.

In gratitude for full fruit baskets from our own garden.

a true reflection

2011-11-10T04:00:00.000-08:00

That's not my real reflection, she said. I've changed so much since then most people barely recognize me. ~ Brian Andreas, storypeople

oh, how we love to bake

2011-11-09T04:00:00.000-08:00

There is nothing more delicious than eating a fresh baked banana muffin. No, I take that back...there is nothing like the process of making fresh baked banana muffins with small helpers and then watching them devour them so quickly you can't even get a picture of the finished product :) Yippee for baking with cousins!

essential question

2011-11-08T04:00:00.000-08:00

Are we destroying the essential for the superfluous?

This is a question posed in a video I watched this week. It's a beautiful video about the importance the forest and trees play in all of our lives, realized or not. I've begun my holiday crafting, another year, another promise to stick with handmade and local. I always seem to make it to the final week before Christmas, feeling good about all the things I've made and then I start worrying. Is what I made nice enough? Is it something that the recipient wants or would they rather I bought something? Shouldn't I get them one more little thing? At which point I end up over spending, buying things that I wouldn't have even considered in the sanity of November.

So, here I am in November, making a pledge to myself to remember the essential above the superfluous.

To remember what these holidays are really about and to spend time being thankful each moment for everything I am so very blessed with.

People are essential, relationships are essential, gratitude is essential, love is essential..oh I could go on and on. And they are all free. And they are all accessible. And they are all possible if I just remember to take the time to pause, breathe and look at the trees.

Video from KarmaTube

music monday

2011-11-07T05:00:00.000-08:00

Yes, I know, there are a bazillion songs about California. And, yes, I know how silly it is that a native Californian would recommend a song about California. Because, of course, I love California. It's the smell of sage. It's the sight of avocado orchards growing from incredibly steep rocky hillsides. It's the mist of salt spray along the coast. It's the dappled light shining through impossibly high redwood trees onto windy blacktop roads. It's the subtle shades of orange: from the native poppies, the orbs hanging from trees, spectacular sunsets, and fires burning through scrub lands. It's home.

Or maybe I just chose this song because it includes a reference to my favorite Shel Silverstein book.

Either way, worth a listen.

paper + stickers + kids

2011-11-03T20:16:00.000-07:00

Thank goodness I finally cleaned out my 'teacher cabinet' in the garage! We have had nothing but good times with the different materials I found and organized. I will never cease to be amazed by the amount of focused attention (almost) 2 and 4 year olds can have when engaged with projects of their own imagination. Three cheers for cardstock, stickers, punch out stamps, crayons and glue!

thinking about

2011-11-03T05:00:00.000-07:00

Nate and I (finally) managed a low-key do nothing day, leaving my mind to wander and projects to contemplate. Today, I'm thinking about...

:: how early is too early to start making gingerbread houses? I'm sure this one will inspire Nate.

:: what natives I may want to add to our front garden once it rains a couple times. I'm thinking a sage or two to add to our collection.

:: holiday knitting projects- what should I make, for whom, can I finally whittle down my stash of yarn instead of purchasing new?

:: purchasing next year's Nikki McClure calandar.

:: holiday sewing projects- advent calendar, tea towels, clothing.

thinking about christmas

2011-11-02T04:00:00.000-07:00

For years, I've told myself that "This is the year I work on an advent calendar for Nate." Yet, the next thing I know December is here and nary an advent calendar is sight. Well, I'll admit that I normally also think of the advent calendar around Thanksgiving so I don't really give myself ample time to make something decent. But this year is different- I'm not working outside the home and I've remembered that I want to make one at the beginning of November...the stars are definitely in my favor!

I like the idea of having pockets that contain various things like 'bake a treat today' or 'go to the library and check out at least 3 Christmas books' or other such fun things that I know my boy would love.

Here are some designs I like...not sure which I'll choose to make yet:


from LookHappy on Etsy


from Purl Bee

from AllSorts

from Noodlehead

a busy october

2011-11-01T04:00:00.000-07:00

I'm still catching my breath from the whirlwind of events, celebrations, get-togethers, crafting, projects and what have you that took place the last couple weeks of October. I can't believe it's November yet I'm so very excited that it's November at the same time.

Our garden is still going full swing...this month brings with it avocados, persimmons, oranges, almost ripe tangerines, watermelon (!), lettuce, potatoes, squash and carrots. Looks like it's going to be a yummy month :)

the doctor is out

2011-10-31T04:00:00.000-07:00

Skipping music monday today because our weekend was way to full to not post about right away!

We had one incredible weekend- filled with parties, and festivals and treats. The above pics are from our visit to our church's harvest festival- the most amazingly fun and perfect Halloween event out there. We took a John Deere drive, a doctor and Minnie Mouse this year. Off to go trick or treating with friends around the neighborhood tonight- keeping my fingers crossed for peanut butter cups :)

happiest of birthdays

2011-10-28T04:00:00.000-07:00

Today is my dear husband's birthday. This man puts up with a lot from me. And yet he is constantly there for me. He is everything I need, yet it seems to always takes me until the final moments to realize that. I am so happy to be celebrating his 40th(!) birthday with him.

lighthouse

2011-10-27T04:00:00.000-07:00

this is a lighthouse that only warns you if you're likely to pay attention because you've been told the world is a dangerous place before ~ brian andreas

priorities

2011-10-26T09:21:00.000-07:00

I took a new yoga class this week (that totally kicked my butt) with an instructor I've never had before. During final relaxation she shuffled a deck of affirmation cards and laid one by each of our feet to look at when we opened our eyes. My card was 'Priorities- decide what is important and start with that first.' Being at 'home' now makes it more difficult to prioritize my time based on 'what's most important' to me. Of course my family is important, my own sanity and health is important, creating something each day is important, learning to slow down is important. The word nerd that I am, I looked up the definition of priorities and got:

prioritiesplural of pri·or·i·ty (Noun)
Noun:
A thing that is regarded as more important than another.
The fact or condition of being regarded or treated as more important

I find it impossible to rank any of the things I hold dear in my life. Instead, I'd rather the word had been balance, as that's something I find I work on daily- a way to balance all of the things and people that I love each day. I feel like there's more that I want to say, but you see, one of my priorities is growling in my ear and tickling my toes and I think it's time for us to have a monster truck race. Balancing the priorities perhaps?

things I never want to forget

2011-10-25T04:00:00.000-07:00

That Nate has replaced 'really' with 'super-sonic.' As in:

"Mommy, are you super-sonic sure that the library is closed?" or "Macaroni and cheese is super sonic good."

If something is really, really good- then it's super, super sonic.

Goodness me, that KID is super sonic. I have no idea where he got this, when asked he said "It's just something Logan and me say to each other when something's super sonic good." So, there you have it.

***

Also, we had my brother-in-law's (Matt) birthday at Bucca De Beppo in August. Since then, Nate, Logan and Sarah talk about the place constantly. Clearly they are still trying to wrap their minds (tongues) around the name as it comes out differently each time.

While driving down the road: "Look, there's where we had Uncle Matt's birthday party: Boo Boo di Becco."

Talking in the backseat to each other:
"Don't you just love Boo Poo di Beppo?"
"Where?"
"That place with the fish outside where we ate pasta?"
"Oh- you mean Boo Coo do Becco?"

Or just walking down the sidewalk, singing to herself (this is usually Sarah):
"Boo boo di Becco, Boo Coo di Beppo, Boo do Bidecko."

I hope they never get it right...their names are way more super sonic.

***

Finally, that a stapler is a stabeler and a staple a stable. "Mama, please get me the stabeler, I need to stable this paper together."

And no matter how many times I call it a stapler or a staple, he is sure that his pronunciation is correct. And maybe he's right. It doesn't really matter much because I still know what he's asking for.

music monday

2011-10-24T04:00:00.000-07:00

Really, no words to describe getting to see Paul Simon perform this weekend. The ones I choose seem to fall short. He was incredible. His band- with no less than 7 musicians playing seemingly every conceivable instrument was just as amazing. He played all my favorites. And more. Here's one from Nashville earlier this year:

welcome new friends

2011-10-21T05:00:00.000-07:00

We welcomed 4 new chickens to our coop this week- full grown and laying ladies who are already socialized and were an easy transition into our 2 hen flock. Jed more than doubled the run and added an extension for laying boxes onto the coop so now I can feel less guilty that they spend more time in the run than wandering free. Unfortunately, the coyotes have taught me a painful lesson- the chickens cannot be outside their run unless we are physically downstairs the whole time and, double unfortunately, we're just not home enough these days to make that a reality. I'm working on that last part, though, and I'm sure there's a post in the future about that. In the meantime, it is so very nice to have fresh eggs again and to watch these sweet ladies get to know each other.

song from favorite movie + large groups of dancing = brilliance

2011-10-20T05:00:00.000-07:00

I may be behind 24 million other people in seeing this but I had to jump the gun on 'music monday' and share this:

the most wonderful time of the year

2011-10-19T05:00:00.000-07:00

I thought I could settle into fall a little bit longer. It is, by far, my most favorite season. Yet, a small home improvement necessitated a trip to Lowe's whereupon I was greeted by rows of shiny plastic trees and waving Santas. This jarred me back to reality and the crafter/creator in me was suddenly overcome: it's almost Christmas! While fall is my favorite season, it is definitely Christmas that holds my holiday heart. Just last night Nate and I were in the car and he asked if I could find Christmas carols on the radio and I was sad to not have my ipod with me to fulfill the request.

Yet, there's something within in me: tradition? stubbornness? naivete? that's refuses to begin true Christmas crafting until after Halloween. (As full disclosure: I was able to sneak in making one present while spending hours on airplanes this month.) And, inevitably, there will be a flurry of making and ripping out and joyous creation during the next few months. And I just can't wait. In the meantime, I will start allowing myself to peruse favorite crafting sites/ravelry/etc to begin my gifting lists.

Here are my beginnings of inspiration...

Sew Mama Sew :: Pear Tree Advent Calendar

Christine Fromm Designs = magic with upcycled sweaters

Fish Hat by Thelma Egberts

field trip

2011-10-18T05:00:00.000-07:00

It's that time of year again...pumpkin time. Jess and I normally love to go out to Bate's with the kids but we had some bad timing this year- every school in north county seemed to be there and it was way too hot for our liking. The kids seemed pretty unphased, though, and had a great time. It seems that as long as a John Deere is involved, it's always a good day. I love four year old boys :)

music monday

2011-10-17T05:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you get a good neighbor while flying. My neighbor from Chicago to Portland happened to be a musician on his way to a show. Here he is when he's not flying in small airplanes to jetports in Maine... Jay Nash

<br><br><br>Jay
 

garden love

2011-10-14T05:00:00.000-07:00

I really thought I might get some writing in today but it seems it was not meant to be. One more flurry of pictures. Oh how I love amazing botanic gardens.

today I am...

2011-10-13T05:00:00.000-07:00

still not in a space where I feel like writing much. Too many images in my mind. I'll indulge myself a little and use that as an excuse to post a few individual shots from my visit to Maine, I'm sure I'll use the same excuse tomorrow for my Chicago shots.

touchdown (the airplane kind)

2011-10-12T05:00:00.000-07:00

I love to travel: to visit, to explore, to talk until the early morning hours with those you don't get to see often enough, to try to capture the essence of a place through the lens of a camera, the amazing love and hospitality offered by family and friend. But I think I love all of that in contrast to the coziness, the comforting smells, the familiar sights of home. Oh how I love to be home.

I have so many amazing pictures to share from our trip to Chicago, and my own to Maine. Thank goodness for picasa's collage feature. Eventually I'll post them on their own. But for now, this works for me.

chicago :: botanic gardens

chicago :: museums and outings

maine :: on my own

music monday

2011-10-03T05:00:00.000-07:00

I was able to sneak this in before I left...the joys of scheduled blog posts :) I couldn't imagine going a whole week without sharing music! This group was recommended to me last week and they are amazing. I do hope they make it further south this winter as it would be lovely to hear them sing live. enjoy MaMuse

in this moment

2011-09-30T05:00:00.000-07:00

There has been a flurry of activity in our house of late as we slowly begin to gather 'necessities' for our trips east. Of course, when certain things must get done (ie laundry, packing, animal care, etc) other things must really get done (taking advantage of dewy mornings to spot huge spider webs in the yard, making lots of art, eating so very many delicious figs, making mozzarella cheese for the first time, sewing the perfect skirt-oh that picture does not do it justice...perhaps a few more lazy daisies will make it even better?). This will be my last post for over a week- I may bring my computer so that I can upload pictures off my camera as I will surely want to have room to capture fall in Maine- but I can't promise any actual posts. Enjoy your first week of October...I know I will!

intuition

2011-09-29T05:00:00.000-07:00

How do you know? she said & the answers fell like feathers, or the first snowflakes of November, Light & without words I looked in her eyes & smiled. You just know, I said. ~ storypeople, Brian Andreas

amazing art

2011-09-28T05:00:00.000-07:00

I realize now that my statement about music on Monday was too narrow- not only will I never experience all the amazing music out there in the world, I will never be able to experience all the great art in the world. This man's creatures inspire me. The sheer genius of his work humbles me. All from pvc and plastic bottles and tubes. Good.ness.

what's cooking

2011-09-27T05:00:00.001-07:00

I came upon a New York Times article by Mark Bittman last week. It tackles some of the reasons why people eat junk food over healthier options. The article begins by considering one of the 'truths' people often come up with- junk food is cheaper. This just isn't true and it has been proven countless times. One of my favorite websites is Linda Watson's Cook for Good. She gives price breakdowns, recipes and the like for cooking on a super-cheap budget healthy and delicious meals for your family. Another idea that Bittman considers is that of 'food deserts'- areas in the country where real, healthy food just isn't available in the same way that fast food is. In the end, he describes our culture as a "food carnival." He talks of the addictive nature of fast food, that it literally changes our brain chemistry. And he goes so far as to compare it to cigarettes and the politics that went into changing the tobacco industry.

His solution is two-fold, changing the food culture and limiting the marketing of junk food. As he writes:

What’s easier is to cook at every opportunity, to demonstrate to family and neighbors that the real way is the better way. And even the more fun way: kind of like a carnival.

And as much as the liberal, crunchy, earth mama in my applauded his article and agreed with his premise and understood the importance of this change, admittedly, I also felt a bit chagrined. I can tell you that we eat out a lot. Not as much as the 'average' family but enough for me to realize that it's more than I like. And when I really examine my heart for why we are eating out so much I realize that there's definitely a bit of Bittman's idea that cooking has become defined as work and after a long day that's the last thing I want to be doing, but I also realize that, for me it's also the social aspect of eating out. My life has become very insular lately. I find there can be multiple days where I have casual conversations with neighbors or short conversations with friends, but the majority of my 'social sphere' is just Jed and Nate. Cooking and eating naturally feel like a very social activity, something I want to share with others. Yet with everyone's different schedules, eating restrictions, bedtimes, kid's eating preferences (and we have our fair share of all of these things in our house, for sure) it makes cooking for friends and their families really hard. Sometimes I find that 'sharing' a meal with a server or the strangers next to me at a restaurant, feeling the camaraderie of ordering a similar item as other people, allows me to feel a connection that's bigger than my small family. Sometimes I don't want to feel like I'm in some strange mothering competition where the woman who makes the most elaborate 4 course meal for dinner wins. I just want to sit down with a bowl of pasta and chat with some friends.

And, yes, maybe I'm over-thinking all of this but I realize that this is one of those 'truths' I've begun to realize about myself. I do like to cook. I have ample food- in the stores, the markets, my own backyard. Yet it can get lonely cooking for my family of three (or 2 in the morning/lunch) and sometimes I just want to hand a friend a grilled cheese sandwich without being judged if the bread its on is homemade, the cheese organic or if I used real butter or not and have an honest to goodness conversation as we eat some cheesy goodness. And, if I'm going to be completely honest here, sometimes I'm just too lazy to want to make the same old thing again.

Hmm, clearly this article got me thinking. I suppose I could go on and on about the breakdown of society, etc etc. Or maybe I just need another piece of banana bread with chocolate chips :) Either way, food for though, right?!

music monday

2011-09-26T05:00:00.000-07:00

I am constantly in awe of the sheer amount of music I have never heard...nor may ever hear. Laura Marling...how did it take me this long to find her? Oh, I am so in love.

welcome pasta

2011-09-23T14:51:00.000-07:00

Though it took us a few more weeks than I had hoped, we now have a friend for Rosie. The poor girl had been clucking and calling out for anyone to please come down and cure her loneliness. She stopped laying and her appetite was less than usual. We were stuck, though, because you can't combine a full grown chicken with chicks (well, perhaps you can but we didn't want to see the results if we were wrong) as they can be territorial and the wee ones won't survive. So we came up with a compromise. We would get a companion for Rosie and when we come back from Chicago (and Maine for mama...oh I can't wait to talk about that trip!) in a couple weeks we'll head out to the feed store for 3 or 4 baby chicks.

So, a couple days ago Jed and Nate visited a homestead out in Valley Center and picked up Pasta, our 7 week old Australorp. She is just beautiful- black wings with a hint of teal sheen. I'm curious to see how big she gets as she's already bigger than Rosie (which isn't hard to do), I'm thinking the same size as the Buff Orpington's we had. The ladies are getting along beautifully. We're hoping for eggs in the next week or so...fingers crossed.

it's the most wonderful time

2011-09-22T05:00:00.000-07:00

I love, love, love fall. It is so very clearly the very best season of them all. You still get some warm (even hot) days yet an extra blanket is a good idea for sleep. It doesn't seem silly to wear a light scarf in the morning or evening and my toes are happy to be wrapped up in some hand knitted socks from last winter. I no longer feel silly with my knitting needles out- and, instead, begin to feel frantic when I don't have them as that's one less moment I can work on a gift before Christmas. While the season officially starts on the 23rd, today felt like it was the first true day of fall here at my house, so I'm claiming that it has begun. In all honesty it actually began a few weeks ago- I noticed that the apricot tree was beginning to look bare, my tomatoes were finally ripening, watermelon were starting to grow, the pears were almost through and our persimmon tree was beginning to topple with ripening fruit. It was officially fall this afternoon, however, when I took my first bite of an apple off our tree. There is much written about the extravagant sweetness and the taste of summer in a freshly picked summer peach- even I have gone down that literary path. But to taste fall in the crisp, clean, sweet-tartness that is a tree ripened apple. That is goodness.

Welcome fall, it is so very good to have you back.

my mom's daughter

2011-09-20T05:00:00.000-07:00

This weekend was spent celebrating my mom's birthday. It's an interesting time of self-reflection during my mom's birthdays since Nate has been born. One of his favorite games to play is who is whose mom: Jennifer is Nate's mom, Bon Bon is Jennifer's mom, Grannie is Bon Bon's mom and Grannie is Jennifer's grandma and Bon Bon is Nate's grandma...and you can see where we can go with this- a never ending circle of moms.

And I see that now, that it is truly just that. Moms becoming grandmas who are also daughters as well.

When my grandmother (my mom's mom) passed last year I had a really tough time of it. Sometimes I still have a really tough time of it- she taught me so much- to sew, to knit, to garden, to listen, to love strawberries just picked from the plant- that it kind of shook my world that she was no longer there to see me do any of those things. But I still do them, and I still love them, and I know I carry her with me when I do them everyday.

And now I watch my own son with his grandmother and I see that he adores her and is learning so much about himself and his own skills and the world around her and it gives me a new perspective. It allows me to see in a different ways the things my own mom has given to me. It allows me to step out of the 'daughter' role for a moment and just be so very thankful for it all. To see the constant ebb and flow- how traits we love, hate or just don't even notice flow from one generation to the next from grandma to mom to child- and how very rich we are for their movement through time.

I can see that my mom is truly my grandma's daughter just as I am my mom's daughter just as Nate is so very much my own son. And I love that Nate will also be receiving just as much from being my mom's grandson as I received from being my grandmother's grand-daughter. A passing of knowledge, of interests, of life and love from one generation to the next.

Thanks for the birthday thoughts mom...I love you!

music monday

2011-09-19T05:00:00.000-07:00

Such Great Heights cover: The Section Quartet

teaching right

2011-09-16T05:00:00.000-07:00

She asked me if I had kids & when I said I did she said make sure you teach them what's right. & I said how will I know? & she nodded & said, good point, just don't teach them any obvious wrong then. ~ storypeople

school!

2011-09-15T05:00:00.001-07:00

Oh, how did I forget to mention that Nate has begun school again? We have started at a new school this year, 2 days a week, 3-4 hours at a time. He is loving it. I get the most incredible reports back at the end of the day. Full of run-on sentences, begun stories, remembered projects. Slowly, throughout the car ride home, I'm able to piece together a story. A story of finding out about new teachers, learning new things, and meeting new people. There is so much more to this story of school for Nate and I but I'm a bit too wiped out to begin that story today. Another day, I'm sure. But for today...a picture will suffice.

awesome-ness

2011-09-14T13:50:00.000-07:00

We're all still oh so slowly coming back to the real world. Jed and I had the most incredible weekend in Palm Springs. Our trip was sponsored in part by my amazing family (sister, mom and dad) who ensured that Nathaniel had his own super-awesome weekend in Catalina as well. We will all be going back this weekend to celebrate my mom's birthday with a not to be missed Brew Fest in Two Harbors and some cake included for good measure.

His fun...

Our fun...

music monday

2011-09-12T08:12:00.000-07:00

I have been haunted by Ingrid Michaelson for a few months now. P.F. Chang, Frasier Farms, radio, Pandora. She is clearly everywhere these days and she is amazing. Here's one of my favorites of hers:

creat(ing)(ive) space

2011-09-09T14:54:00.000-07:00

September brought with it fresh paint, new shelves and some furniture moving. I have been discontent with my sewing area for a bit now. I have also been bothered with the fact that we had two living rooms- a seemingly 'formal' space full of antique furniture and a 'family' space with hand me downs and comfy seating. I have always disliked the idea of a formal living room- I want to live in all my rooms- and I love all of my grandmother's furniture and want to get use of out if. SO. I decided to change things up a bit.

In the end, all it took was removing a couch from the 'family' space and voila, like magic, a new space was reborn. I wish I had pictures of the room before but those of you who have visited know what it looked like. It was largely a room with a big couch in it. Now it is where creating happens. Where Nate and I sew together, where conversations happen, where I work to embrace the gray spaces one day at a time. I love this space. So. Much.

Oh, and the little table to the right in the picture above? That's Nate's desk. As he would say, "Love it."

remember to look in the mirror

2011-09-07T14:07:00.000-07:00

The other day we were getting together with friends and plans had to be changed. It wasn't a big deal, errands were shifted around and it was great to hang out with them, albeit at a different time than was arranged. I bring this up, though, because of the conversation I had on the phone with my friend as plans were shifting. She apologized because 'she knew how much I didn't like last minute changes to plans.' And she's right. I really do have a hard time with changes in plans. But it's something I've slowly and consciously have been working on the past year. Letting go of those things outside my control and figuring out how to use the new information to make things better.

A large reason that I decided to work on shifting my focus was because I saw how it was manifesting in my son's life. Nathaniel hates changes: to schedules, routines, plans, you name it. We've had complete meltdowns when something is mentioned in passing but then fails to manifest itself. Those around him have learned it's best to not let him know that there is a possibility of something fun until the possibility becomes a reality. But I've realized that this type of inflexible thinking was serving either of us. It left us frustrated, upset, and emotionally worn out. As my incredible yoga teacher likes to quote from Hellen Keller at the end of practice: When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but we often look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.

So, I've been working on modeling flexibility. Letting Nate see first hand that plans may change and it's truly not a big deal- sometimes it can lead to even better things. And, slowly oh so slowly, I've begun to see a difference in the way he deals with change. It seems much easier for him to take things that would have been quite dramatic in stride nowadays. Of course, I know a lot of that is developmental and the fact that he's just getting older, but I also know that he's watching me and learning something everytime he watches.

My child is a watcher. I see myself mirrored in so many of the things he says and does these days. And while I can find this terrifying some days, on others, I can take this mirroring in stride and see it as a challenge to my own personal growth. It's not every day that we have a mirror following us around through life, I suppose I best embrace it and see what I can learn.

new bags

2011-09-06T20:51:00.000-07:00

I got to spend a lovely (stormy!) Monday sewing...and these are what I came up with. It was magic to get to sit at my old machine, listening to it clack away, smelling freshly wet concrete and sage. A perfect holiday in my book.

music monday

2011-09-05T05:00:00.000-07:00

So, maybe I am more organized than I think...welcome to music Monday. Heard this on the radio this weekend and I think I love this version more than the original. Actually, I know I do. Good stuff. Ryan Adams

rhythms and routine

2011-09-04T05:00:00.000-07:00

Nathaniel and I have a lovely relationship. An intense relationship, but also a tender and loving and connected relationship. As we navigate our days together, without the distraction of 'out of the house jobs,' grandmas to babysit on a whim, and seemingly more time than we know what to do with, it has been lovely to reconnect to past rhythms and routines that we both thoroughly enjoy.

Nate has always enjoyed cooking and being helpful in the kitchen. I mistakenly bought a play kitchen for him when he was two but after a few months of play it was neglected, as most toys of his are, for a learning tower that allowed him access to the counter to help me with the real life meal prep that happened (almost) daily in our kitchen. Now that he's four, our roles have shifted and there are quite a few meals that he can prepare on his own, with my help with heating only. He has access to sharp knives, knows where ingredients are and can crack an egg with confidence. Last night he made our quiche from scratch himself. Pride doesn't even come close to how he seemed to be feeling. Dinner was, of course, delicious.

Nate also loves crafting. He is not a solitary crafter- he prefers to work with company- mama preferably. He saw me hand sewing labels for my zippered bags and asked if he could do some hand sewing as well. We found an old frame and some burlap that he had been sewing on a year or so ago and made it good as new. He spent almost an hour sewing a tent and path and experimenting with different stitch lengths only to take it apart to begin anew a couple minutes later. His focus is intense and he is still easily frustrated- it helps to make me all the more mindful of how I model my own frustrations on projects- both body language and words.

It has been useful to reflect at the end of our days recently to see if I have included at the very least these two activities: cooking and crafting together. Those days where we are able to connect through a shared love of an activity always have a clearly more peaceful and fulfilled note at the end of the day. I am often able to get my own project in, read on my own, spend time on my computer or just have 'me' time when Nathaniel feels fulfilled through our connecting with meaningful activities.

Of course, as with all mothering, I know all this to be true today...we'll see what our 'truth' is tomorrow :)

friendship

2011-09-03T05:00:00.000-07:00

Can I count on you to be there, no matter what? she said & I said no & she said what kind of friend are you? & I said the kind who won't lie to you any time you want & I think she kept me around as a curiosity after that~ Brian Andreas

I am so clearly on a Storypeople kick. By far, one of the more fun sites to ~~waste~~ spend an hour or two on the internet. You can have get your own inspiration here.

and then there was one...

2011-09-02T05:00:00.001-07:00

We have been feeding the local coyote population healthy and organically raised chickens for the last few weeks. In the course of 2 1/2 weeks we have lost 3 of our four chickens. First Busty, our sweet girl who lay blue eggs, then Polly and finally her twin sister Buffy. Our sweet Rosie is left.

Nate and I were home when the last one, Buffy, was taken, we heard the alarm squack and, unfortunately, I was as far as I could be from the backyard when we heard it. We ran as fast as we could, shouting and yelling all along, only to get to the top steps of the backyard and see the coyote bolting with Buffy in his mouth through the yard and over the fence into the neighbor's yard. Because, yes, we are the smart family who decided to raise chickens knowing full well that a duo of coyotes lives in the overgrown bamboo thicket just 2 houses down.

I think of the three of us, I'm the most devastated. Nate is truly taking it all in stride. I mean, if we're going to be honest here, he wanted to eat them along along too.

So, now, I'm left trying to figure out if chickens get lonely and, if so, should we fork out $20 for a full grown chicken to keep Rosie company. Chicks will take at least 4 months before they can go into the coop with her or else she'll kill them herself. We'll be doubling our run size so that they can have more room to roam while we aren't downstairs and I'll be committing more time spent in our backyard so that Rosie can roam around and be safe.

Life on the farm. Ugh.

zippered bags

2011-09-01T19:24:00.000-07:00

I have been making zippered sandwich and snack bags for a little while now- giving them away to friends and family, enjoying how useful and easy to clean the bags are. Well, at the insistence of everyone around me, I've decided to finally put them up for sale. In keeping with the 'inspiration' theme, I've decided to hand-stitch little words or phrases to the bag to brighten up snack or mealtime when people are out and about. They are lined with nylon and are hand or washing machine washable.

I've used these bags for just about everything in my house...food, wet suits, craft supplies, if you can fit it in a bag, then it'll probably end up in one :)

I currently have two sizes- snack (7x5) and sandwich (7x8) and am at work on a larger size (7x12). Click the pictures below to see more info:

snack bag

sandwich bag

must read

2011-09-01T05:00:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading the most lovely book and I just had to share. I'm not one for remembering titles so unfortunately lists of must read books and friendly recommendations often tumble from my brain when I get to the library. Luckily, Vista has some awesome, on top of it librarians who will select their own ideas of must reads and prominently display them for those of us types who surely do choose a book by its cover.

The book is The Year of the Hare by Arto Paasilinna. Not a new book, it was published in 1975. But one of those universal truths kind of books that hits you in the gut with a 'yes, that's exactly how I experience the world' kind of feeling. The author of the forward to the edition I read, Pico Iyer, expressed it beautifully:

There are many ways of catching this carpe-diem spirit and the liberation that comes from waking up to one's limits (and therefore one's possibilities), and philosophers for centuries have expounded sonorously on these themes. I love The Year of the Hare for not taking anything too seriously (least of all itself) and for sounding, in its freedom from received ideas of what is and isn't important, a bracing declaration of independence for the enlightened truant inside each one of us.

First grade book summary: Man leaves job, wife, house, 'life' as he knows it to befriend a hare. Finds his real life in the meantime.

On to find my real life in the slowly melting days of summer...

a little thought

2011-08-31T05:00:00.000-07:00

trapped mainly by wanting things to be exactly as they are, only better ~ Brian Andreas

figuring it out

2011-08-30T14:04:00.000-07:00

I love riding my bike. It is a standard 'hybrid' bike- not commited to being labeled a road or mountain bike (strangely relatable to how I would define myself)- yet the most comfortable, trustworthy and fun bike I've had. It's getting on in the years- I bought it my freshman year in college (no, that really can't be 15 years!! ago- gasp!) and it has never let me down. Well, after that LONG amount of time, I finally decided I better start taking care of her and took a free bike maintenance class at REI. In all my years riding my bike, I've never gotten a flat. Ever. But I realized that now that I'm pulling Nate all over town in a trailer, with its own two inflatable wheels along with the fact that he has his own bike now with its own 2 inflatable wheels, there was a decent chance that at some point one of those 6 wheels would get a flat while we were out and about and I sure as heck wanted to be able to fix it.

So I signed up for the class.

It was awesome. Seriously one of the most useful classes I've taken in my years taking classes. And it was empowering. I immediately came home, took apart pieces of my bike, lubed other pieces, and put it back together.

And, wouldn't you know it, a couple weeks later, I had my first flat. (At this point my friend, Joanna would inevitably point out that I had, in fact, attracted this flat tire BECAUSE I had taken the class, and I probably would agree with her...but that's another day's post).

But I fixed it! Easily, without drama, quickly, and loving every minute of it.

A couple weeks later Nate was given a new (pre-loved) bigger bike (I can't believe he has already outgrown his first two wheeler!) and it needed new tires. Well, mama and Nate to the rescue! He enjoyed figuring out things just as much as I did and was so very patient as I wrestled an old, hard rubber tire off the rim. An hour and a bucket of sweat later, he's riding again. Woohoo!

A lovely month of figuring things out.

Growing

in gratitude

one small step

a shift

music monday

in gratitude

so random

babies

a day

music monday

in gratitude

embracing it all

same old patterns of thinking

receiving and releasing

music monday

in gratitude

pondering

Nathaniel

resolutions, revelations

music monday

in gratitude

christmas morning

wonder

oh, what a time it has been

music monday

in gratitude

gifting

happy winter solstice to you

ramblings

music monday

in gratitude

let it rain, let it pour

color!

parade-a-rific

music monday

in gratitude

awesome-ness

oh so busy

outside my window

music monday

in gratitude

it has begun!

oh my

We'reLumi

Haveyoueverlovedaphotosomuchyouwishyoucouldreachoutandtouchit?Doesniftysciencebringasmiletoyourfac

paper projects

music monday

in gratitude

if wishes were kisses

music monday

in gratitude

what we make matters

a reminder to really look

projects in progress

music monday

in gratitude

a true reflection

oh, how we love to bake

essential question

music monday

paper + stickers + kids

thinking about

thinking about christmas

a busy october

the doctor is out

happiest of birthdays

lighthouse

priorities

prioritiesplural of pri·or·i·ty (Noun)

things I never want to forget

music monday

welcome new friends

song from favorite movie + large groups of dancing = brilliance

the most wonderful time of the year

field trip

music monday

garden love

today I am...

touchdown (the airplane kind)

music monday